I think I need to figure out what happens when I don’t have a burning desire for something that I will absolutely go through hell and high water and a whole lotta sacrifice for….but the idea will never quite 100% go away either, even if it is mostly dead. I know I don’t want such-and-such so much that I’ll do ANYTHING, FOREVER, INDEFINITELY to get it–then again, I learned at an early age that such things weren’t under my control and if you go for years and years wanting something you can’t have and cannot ever figure out how to get, the burning desire will eventually die. I don’t know if it’s a case of “I just never want anything all that much, how do I know if it’s going to be so fucking great after years of struggle,” or “I learned that I’ll lose so what’s the point,” but I dunno, just because I don’t have the hellburning passion to see me through years of struggle to the goal doesn’t mean I’ve managed to 100% give up either.Ugh. Undecidedness/ambivalence/meh helps nothing.
So, okay. Let's say you're not a Margaret Beauforte House on Fire. (I feel like Beth and I are in some kind of secret cult where if we say her name enough, we'll invoke her powers, btdubs. Here's to hoping!) Let's say you're a normal person who wants normal things who happens to practice magic.
I'm going to tell you exactly what I tell people when they want to talk about polyamory with me. If monogamy works for you, awesome! Go with that! Monogamy is culturally accepted, it requires so much less talking about feels, less people = less issues and it makes things really tidy. If you can be happy with one person for the rest of your life, by all means, do you booboo. That is hands down the easier, less awkward, less difficult path. Rock out. I mean that with utter sincerity. If I could do it, I'd be doing it. You don't know an uncomfortable conversation until your sister forces you to talk about the elephant in the room because she's genuinely concerned about your OSO. More difficult? Explaining that in many poly relationships, everyone has the same rules to follow with everything and it's not nearly as fun as having a hall pass.
What I'm trying to get at here is that it's okay to not have a burning fire within you. A burning fire makes you act crazy. It takes a toll on your relationship. It often ends messily. You don't need to pretend to be something you're not! Be you. And if the you that you are isn't an obsessed maniac, awesome. You are one step closer to leading a happy, productive life.
So, what if you kind-of want something but don't want it with a psycho single minded passion? Does that mean you're doomed to never have That Thing? Of course not. Less work will (almost always) guarantee less results, but if you aren't being kept awake at night burning up with desperate desire for That Thing, you should be okay that it may not happen. After all, magic is a crap shoot, non?
The best way to make things happen