One of the most difficult parts of exile is that it's not always voluntary. When you are not presently exiled, it's easy to tell yourself that because everything is awesome in your life, everything is awesome in everyone else's life. No one is forced to stay in marriages they don't want to be in, everyone's workplace is a joy, money is something that is easily obtained along with good, healthy food, no one is ever forced to bare their necks to someone who wields power over them in the interest of survival. This is the 21st century, after all! If you don't like something, why just leave! If you were actually good at being a Queen, certainly there is always a job for you, family can help support you and there's never, ever a reason to grit your teeth and stick out something you don't want to do for either a greater cause or simply to survive.
Even I am not immune to this in my exile. The moment you put me in a seminar and we are asked to talk about our difficulties, that is everyone's immediate response. Except for the instructors who have seen enough hot messes to know that "you need to look for another position immediately!!1111!!!" is a stupid response to someone whose position is part of a dying field when they are currently making decent money and have good benefits. It is such a 1986 bullshit privileged thing to say to a person about work or home life decisions that I immediately lose respect for the other person when it's said. Like, zomgoats, Betsy! Thank god you have distilled my incredibly nuanced problems at work and/or home down to such an easily managed proposition that I totally have not thought of! I would have never ever thought of leaving if you didn't point out to me that that's an option! You are such a god send. Nay, savior.
But that doesn't mean you have to just sit there and take it. It doesn't mean you shouldn't have a plan. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't have an end date for yourself in dealing with these shenanigans. Remember, impoverish exile was never the plan for our medieval sister Queens. The plan was either to get back to court (where all the money, attention and power lived) or to live quietly and privately while generating an income (usually collecting rents) and not getting involved in plots or conspiracy. Your plan in exile is also to do more than survive too. You need to thrive. You need to do more than just get through the day. You know what practical things you are supposed to be doing. Arrange your face. Be Final Girl ready. Find out what your options really are to escape or get back to court. In modern life that means arranging your finances, secondary income streams, get your physical appearance in order, talk to professions as needed (therapists, lawyers, accountants, stylists), do what you need to do. Figure out what you need to be happy. Really happy, not bs Facebook/Insta happy. Start making that happen. Do what you are supposed to be doing.
But also, let's get your witchcraft game in order. You need to start stacking the deck in your favor and stop worrying about fairness. Worry about fairness when Forbes starts talking about you. Until then, save it. As always, follow your moral compass.
- Get rid of your your frenemies. If you have frenemies, you're wasting too much time and energy on them. Your blood pressure is also higher when you are around them verses an out and out enemy. It messes with your head and literally messes with your heart. Cut ties. Get a personal effect from them. On a piece of brown paper bag, write their name and wrap the personal effect in the paper, wrapping away from you not towards you. Get a lemon, cut it in half. Rub the paper in the lemon on both sides while focusing your intention. Leave it at a crossroads after dark and (literally) don't look back. Dip each lemon half in salt. Put each half outside your front door. After 21 days, toss the lemons.
- You need to sweeten up your spouse as long as you need to live together or your boss as long as you work together. This is working your will over another person, so be clear on what you're doing. Write your petition paper with what you want the other person to think about you. Sprinkle the paper with cinnamon and lavender. Fold it up tightly, towards you. Put it in the bottom of a small jar. If you have any personal effects from your spouse or boss, add it. Pour honey over it. Seal the jar. Seal in your intention. Burn a white candle on top for thirteen days and then weekly.
- Make sure everyone at work or the PTA has nothing but nice things to say about you. Do this by getting a coffee grinder and grinding your own Stop Gossip spice mix: 1 piece whole cinnamon, 3 cloves, 1 teaspoon allspice berries, 1 teaspoon brown sugar. Grind to a find powder. Add 1 heaping tablespoon to a quickbread. As you stir the batter clockwise, put your intention into it. Bring to work/the PTA meeting the next day.
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